Reminders During Challenge
The past month has been a series of sicknesses and canceled plans in our house and there were times when it felt really challenging.
The full abbreviated story: My daughter got a really bad head cold that interrupted all of our sleep, then her head cold turned into an ear infection (very triggering for me because of my early childhood illness and corresponding awful earaches) and had to go on antibiotics, then my husband got sick, then my daughter got sick with Coxackievirus, then I got my period, then I got sick, then I got a call from school that my daughter tripped and bonked her tooth/gum so we took an emergency visit to the dentist for x-rays. (She’s totally okay!) In the middle of that we postponed lots of joyful plans, skipped a lot of school, and in many ways life essentially got put on hold.
In the midst of In the midst of sickness and parenting exhaustion I had all the feels:
Terror, worry, joy, bliss, acceptance, resistance, panic, frustration, disappointment and acceptance again.
Whenever we go through extended periods of challenge it’s easy to start to wonder, Will it ever end?
The following reminders have been incredibly helpful for me, and perhaps they’ll help you, too.
1. Internal joy is just as important as external joy (if not more).
After the first sickness, I was looking forward to external events to help fill me up - holiday markets, decorating a Christmas tree, gatherings with friends, etc. - but one by one those things were canceled or postponed. I was very disappointed, rightfully so, and let myself feel that disappointment. But it was also a reminder to nourish my inner joy. So much of life is out of our control, but/and we can always tend to ourselves in some way. For me that’s been through simple rituals with nature, hot baths, movement, deep breathing, and journaling. One of my favorite questions to ask myself is: How can I love myself here?
2. Microjoys always exist.
Love, beauty and miracles are always present, even amidst great challenge. (If you’re interested in this topic, I highly recommend preordering my friend, Cyndie Spiegel’s new book, Microjoys: Finding Hope (Especially) When Life Is Not Okay.) I’ve found them in a hug from my husband, a laugh from my daughter, a beautiful sunset, a thoughtful text from a friend, an offer from a stranger, and a hilarious social media post. Enjoying these moments brings levity and fullness when experiencing challenge. Stay open to them.
3. Shit is part of life.
This is the reminder that it’s okay to not be okay. Thinking that we somehow shouldn’t feel like shit only makes the shit linger. Sometimes the most loving thing is to admit, “This is shit.” Or “This is really hard.” Or “I’m frustrated!” Because acceptance is a loving action that leads us out of the shit. (And if you’re in a really rough place, the next step can be reaching out for help.) Also, shit can be fertilizer! We experience challenge in times of growth. The struggles of life help us appreciate all the gifts. In other words, shit is part of the abundance. You don’t have to enjoy it, but you also don’t have to avoid it. Acceptance is the first step of change. Any time, without fail, I fully acknowledge what I feel, the feeling starts to shift. It’s one of my favorite ways to get unstuck. Dive head first into the shit. No, wait, that’s not quite right, but you get it! Life sucks sometimes and that’s part of the process.
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I’ll be in touch soon with some exciting announcements!
All love,
Kelsey