Tips To Show Up Sustainably For Your Art & Activism

Showing up for what we care about can be challenging. Why? Because we have jobs, responsibilities, families, friends, events - LIFE.

It can also be challenging because if we care deeply, then there’s likely some fear, vulnerability and old messaging blocking us from showing up fully: Am I worthy? What if I do it wrong? Who am I to be doing this? What if people don’t like me or what I share?

When you put yourself out there in your art or in your activism you’re essentially saying, “This is what I believe. This is what I stand for.” As a result there will be humans in the world who will not align with you, what you believe and what you stand for. These people may just not care about what you’re sharing or they might actively ridicule you and tear you down. Thus, standing up for what we believe in always comes with some level of vulnerability.

Followup Question: How are you at being vulnerable?

For most of us I think the answer is not so great!

I learned during the Kickstarter Launch for my children’s book, Arya & Everyone Else’s Feelings, that I was way out of practice at being vulnerable. I felt scared every single day. So many old messages came up, so much fear and vulnerability. It was my childhood dream to be an author and help heal the world. Could I actually do it and feel safe? The answer was yes and no: I could do it, but I wouldn’t feel safe every step of the way and that is okay. I could return to the trust, safety and knowing that I am worthy, that my book was worthy, again and again. So that’s what I did.

And, honestly, that experience not only made me feel incredibly empowered because I showed up for my dream and for myself, it also prepared me to show up for what I believe in when it came to Here4TheKids - a movement led by BIPoC women to bring an end to the gun violence in this country…

The School of Unlearning Podcast: The Power of Emotions

I had the pleasure of joining Elisa Haggarty on The School of Unlearning Podcast a few weeks ago and am delighted to share the now live episode with you!

EPISODE DESCRIPTION

If you’ve ever been told you are too sensitive or struggle to work with highly sensitive people - this podcast is for you. Kelsey and I explore the wisdom of our emotions and how we can work with them vs react blindly to them. Kelsey Fox Bennett Boyd is an Educator, Brain Gym Consultant and Author. Kelsey has been working with kids and adults, with a specialization in supporting the highly sensitive, for over a decade. In this podcast episode we introduce concepts like emotional regulation, bi-lateral stimulation and help make a case for highly sensitive people. Kelsey has written a book called, Arya & Everyone Else’s Feelings, which celebrates sensitivity and empowers readers to release the weight of other people’s feelings and feel safe and protected as they support those they care about most. Information on the kickstarter to support this invaluable book is below…

Ways To Support Your Highly Sensitive Kid

(Before continuing you might want to read my previous post: Some Signs Your Kid Is Highly Sensitive.)

So, you have a highly sensitive kid. Now what?

The following are my big picture recommendations from my work with highly sensitive kids both in the classroom and in private sessions over the past decade - and from being a highly sensitive kid myself.

And honestly, the following recommendations are great for ALL kids. But/and some are even more necessary for highly sensitive ones.

1. ACCEPT THEM AS THEY ARE

Your child was born with a more sensitive nervous system. They are not pretending to be sensitive. This is who they are and they need acceptance, love and support to thrive!

Sensitivity is NOT the opposite of strength. Do not attempt to change them or “toughen them up.” Instead, BUILD them up with acknowledgement of both the strengths and challenges of being more sensitive and offer them tools to navigate all of the above.

2. HONOR THEIR BOUNDARIES

If your sensitive kid needs space, give them space…

Some Signs Your Kid Is Highly Sensitive

First and foremost it’s important to note that highly sensitive kids vary just as all kids vary. Each one has their own flare and personality. Each one’s sensitivity is expressed uniquely based on who they are, what lights them up, what type of environment they grow up in, and how their sensitivity is honored, ignored, or even shunned.

It’s also important to remember that sensitivity is a spectrum and if your child isn’t highly sensitive it does not mean they are a non-feeling machine. They are likely still compassionate, kind and aware of the world around them, but they are not innately conscious of or affected by the world as much as their highly sensitive peers.

We all have the capacity to develop our sensitivity and awareness. But/and, we are also all born in a certain way.

Dr. Elaine Aron began researching high sensitivity in 1991 and continues her research today. Her website and books have been helpful to many, including me, to recognize that high sensitivity is an innate trait - meaning highly sensitive people are born with a more sensitive nervous system and our brains’ work a little different. This innate trait reflects a certain type of survival strategy, that of observing before acting…

Setbacks Are Part Of Success

I have some really exciting news:

I wrote a children’s book!

Even more exciting:

It’s already illustrated - by the incredible Louie Chin - and in 3 weeks I am launching a Kickstarter campaign to help me self-publish and share it with the world!

The book is called Arya & Everyone Else’s Feelings and I am ridiculously proud of it. Click here to learn more and get on the VIP List so you can be first in line to preorder your copy!

Bringing this book into being has been a slow and steady process spanning over 4 years!

There have been many setbacks, but I kept finding the next step and taking it - again and again and again.

At times that next step felt arduous and as if it would never fall into place…

Reminders During Challenge

The past month has been a series of sicknesses and canceled plans in our house and there were times when it felt really challenging.

The full abbreviated story: My daughter got a really bad head cold that interrupted all of our sleep, then her head cold turned into an ear infection (very triggering for me because of my early childhood illness and corresponding awful earaches) and had to go on antibiotics, then my husband got sick, then my daughter got sick with Coxackievirus, then I got my period, then I got sick, then I got a call from school that my daughter tripped and bonked her tooth/gum so we took an emergency visit to the dentist for x-rays. (She’s totally okay!) In the middle of that we postponed lots of joyful plans, skipped a lot of school, and in many ways life essentially got put on hold.

In the midst of In the midst of sickness and parenting exhaustion I had all the feels:

Terror, worry, joy, bliss, acceptance, resistance, panic, frustration, disappointment and acceptance again.

Whenever we go through extended periods of challenge it’s easy to start to wonder, Will it ever end?

The following reminders have been incredibly helpful for me, and perhaps they’ll help you, too…

My Heart Breaks Daily

How can you look at the atrocities of the world and deny them?

How can you look at the heartache and turn your back?

Actually, I know how, because I did it, too.

Fully Let Go In The Pauses

“Fully let go in the pauses.”

These words from Jessica Diz have been repeating in my head.

Jessica was my Doula and she was referring to the pauses between surges/contractions during labor, but her words have been a salve the past few weeks.

I remember as my labor with Abigail kicked into gear I felt my whole body tighten in anticipation for each coming surge. We called Jessica and she reminded me to fully let go in the pauses. Oh my goodness what a difference it made!

By fully letting go in between each wave, I could regroup and relax, making the next wave feel lighter and easier to ride versus accumulating wave upon wave and feeling less and less able to relax with them.

Fast forward 3 months and our daughter has hit what they call the 3-4 month sleep regression. She is going through a big developmental leap and as a result of her growing brain and body paired with her new awareness (plus the random reflux or gas), it’s become more of a challenge to put her to down to rest… and no guarantee that she’ll stay asleep!

Mama is tired. Sleep is precious…

Expectation versus Acceptance: Pregnancy & Covid-19

About a month ago I had this entire post prepared about expectation versus acceptance - and then Covid-19 arrived to the United States and life as we knew it changed.

In my original post I talked specifically about expectation versus acceptance in my pregnancy journey.

As I moved into my second trimester I had an expectation that I would “feel better” only to be constantly hit with the reality of, “I don’t feel better,” and the following week, “Nope, not better yet!”

After a great deal of resistance I finally stopped berating myself for not meeting my expectation of wellness and fully accepted that I didn’t feel better and that was okay.

My self-acceptance was not an invitation to dwell or wallow in my awful state, but rather an invitation to stay present in my current reality and in turn, take loving actions to honor that reality and improve my state with love.

This was a big shift from what I had been doing which was running into walls of self-judgment and brute psychological force. AKA: “You will feel better because you are supposed to feel better!” Which was followed by: “What is wrong with you? Why don’t you feel better yet?”

Self-acceptance and loving action was a much kinder route as you can see.

The reason I’m giving you a shortened version of my original post is because life has changed and this lesson of expectation versus acceptance has expanded in light of our current new reality.

We live at the epicenter of the coronavirus pandemic here in NYC, which is a strange sensation to say the least…

Welcome to the Blog

HIGHLY SENSITIVE | KIDS | PARENTING

TRAUMA | Self-Care | Community Care

EPISODE DESCRIPTION

1. ACCEPT THEM AS THEY ARE

2. HONOR THEIR BOUNDARIES

Bringing this book into being has been a slow and steady process spanning over 4 years!

“Fully let go in the pauses.”