A Different Kind Of Power: Uplifting Black Queer Voices

On this last day of Black History Month in 2024, I want to share with you my love for Black Queer voices.

Over the past few years these voices have been so very nourishing to me. I think the main reason is because they are the most liberating voices I have experienced in all of my life.

These incredible humans I’ve met personally, these books I’ve read, and these physical spaces I’ve inhabited created by these humans have opened a door in my heart and said, “You can truly be all of yourself. No cages, no closed doors, no walls. There is love here for everyone.”

These voices are intersectional. They have experienced the worst of white supremacy, patriarchy and capitalism from multiple angles and in spite of this fact, these humans are choosing the most inclusive and, when needed, the most fierce love I’ve ever witnessed. It’s breathtaking.

One such voice is Brandon Kyle Goodman…

The Key To Making Your Dreams Come True: Community

Lately I have been feeling quite proud of myself for making my dreams come true. While I am worthy of that pride - because I have worked hard to get clear, commit to myself, ask for help, have faith and grow along the way - it’s also massively important to note that my dreams would not have come to fruition in any way, shape or form without my community.

Our capitalist society loves to uplift the individual while forgetting the collective so I really want to dwell in the space of we for a bit.

When I think about my children’s book (that will be shipped out to folks in November!!), every aspect of the book’s creation involved other magical humans. The idea came from a wonderful client, the characters are a collage of my real life community members, it went through many rounds of edits with friends and a professional editor, I consulted with multiple coaches both for the content of the book and for the marketing of it, my illustrator Louie Chin brought it to life in a way that I never could, it received funding from so many incredible friends and family members, it expanded beyond my immediate community to other communities thanks to so many kind humans, and it’s being printed by other incredible humans! Community at every turn. Yes, I needed to keep advocating for it. Yes, I have been the book’s champion. Yes, I was an integral part of it’s creation. And yet, if it were just me in a vacuum it would not exist.

Last weekend I had another dream come true - a dream of going on a retreat with horses and nature. It was phenomenal. And yet again, it wasn’t just me in a vacuum. It required an orchestra of characters and support to come to fruition. My husband took on the full time care of our daughter, I depended on others to transport me to Canada, the ranch was operated by our hosts as well as volunteers from all over the world, and the retreat would not have been complete without the other attendees and of course the horses!

Community is embedded in every step we take. Where our food comes from, what our homes are built out of, every single opportunity offered. Community is necessary for survival and for success. We need each other…

Motherhood, Self-Care, Community CareKelsey Fox Bennett BoydSeptember 27, 2023dreams, community, gratitude, thank you, children's book, retreatComment

Why I stepped away from Young Living (& other companies I’m supporting instead)

I grew up with Young Living essentials oils. They were part of my everyday joy and healing. They made me feel connected to nature and were a go-to tool in my toolbox. So in 2013 when I had the opportunity to become an essential oil distributor it felt like the natural next step. I got excited about sharing oils both because I personally loved them and because I wanted to make money. I thought it would feel easy and fun and light.

Just under a year in, someone I loved had a bad reaction to an oil and I felt scared and confused. I began to question my ability to share oils but also didn’t want to stop because I wanted the dream I was promised - a side business, easy money, abundance. Maybe it was just a fluke… Or maybe I gave someone I love something that I didn’t know enough about and caused them harm.

In an attempt to reconcile, I spent the next few years learning more about oils - and getting pulled deeper into Young Living…

Tips To Show Up Sustainably For Your Art & Activism

Showing up for what we care about can be challenging. Why? Because we have jobs, responsibilities, families, friends, events - LIFE.

It can also be challenging because if we care deeply, then there’s likely some fear, vulnerability and old messaging blocking us from showing up fully: Am I worthy? What if I do it wrong? Who am I to be doing this? What if people don’t like me or what I share?

When you put yourself out there in your art or in your activism you’re essentially saying, “This is what I believe. This is what I stand for.” As a result there will be humans in the world who will not align with you, what you believe and what you stand for. These people may just not care about what you’re sharing or they might actively ridicule you and tear you down. Thus, standing up for what we believe in always comes with some level of vulnerability.

Followup Question: How are you at being vulnerable?

For most of us I think the answer is not so great!

I learned during the Kickstarter Launch for my children’s book, Arya & Everyone Else’s Feelings, that I was way out of practice at being vulnerable. I felt scared every single day. So many old messages came up, so much fear and vulnerability. It was my childhood dream to be an author and help heal the world. Could I actually do it and feel safe? The answer was yes and no: I could do it, but I wouldn’t feel safe every step of the way and that is okay. I could return to the trust, safety and knowing that I am worthy, that my book was worthy, again and again. So that’s what I did.

And, honestly, that experience not only made me feel incredibly empowered because I showed up for my dream and for myself, it also prepared me to show up for what I believe in when it came to Here4TheKids - a movement led by BIPoC women to bring an end to the gun violence in this country…

Reminders During Challenge

The past month has been a series of sicknesses and canceled plans in our house and there were times when it felt really challenging.

The full abbreviated story: My daughter got a really bad head cold that interrupted all of our sleep, then her head cold turned into an ear infection (very triggering for me because of my early childhood illness and corresponding awful earaches) and had to go on antibiotics, then my husband got sick, then my daughter got sick with Coxackievirus, then I got my period, then I got sick, then I got a call from school that my daughter tripped and bonked her tooth/gum so we took an emergency visit to the dentist for x-rays. (She’s totally okay!) In the middle of that we postponed lots of joyful plans, skipped a lot of school, and in many ways life essentially got put on hold.

In the midst of In the midst of sickness and parenting exhaustion I had all the feels:

Terror, worry, joy, bliss, acceptance, resistance, panic, frustration, disappointment and acceptance again.

Whenever we go through extended periods of challenge it’s easy to start to wonder, Will it ever end?

The following reminders have been incredibly helpful for me, and perhaps they’ll help you, too…

Let Fear be your Guide & Let Go of the “Plan” - My Giving Birth Story

Birth.

We are all born. Yet when I became pregnant I realized I had never attended anyone’s birth. I’d never witnessed it other than what I’d see on television and in movies. Even though it’s the most natural and normal occurrence and we all experience it as we enter the world, it was actually quite mysterious and distant from anything I knew. I’m an excellent student, though, so I set about to learn and acclimate myself - mostly in an attempt to normalize and de-mystify it. I watched videos of people giving birth, I looked at photos, I started following all sorts of doulas and birth centers on social media, I enrolled in an online hypnobirthing class, I set out to hire my own doula (and did - she’s great!) and then I absorbed everything that came my way through all these channels.

I became more and more confident in my ability to birth my baby. Yet, in addition to learning all sorts of pain management and mindfulness techniques to birth naturally, I also learned about all the ways to medically induce birth or intervene if something goes other than expected. As my husband likes to say, have the plan and then have a few backup plans just in case. Because this is the other thing about pregnancy and giving birth: It’s unpredictable…

Fully Let Go In The Pauses

“Fully let go in the pauses.”

These words from Jessica Diz have been repeating in my head.

Jessica was my Doula and she was referring to the pauses between surges/contractions during labor, but her words have been a salve the past few weeks.

I remember as my labor with Abigail kicked into gear I felt my whole body tighten in anticipation for each coming surge. We called Jessica and she reminded me to fully let go in the pauses. Oh my goodness what a difference it made!

By fully letting go in between each wave, I could regroup and relax, making the next wave feel lighter and easier to ride versus accumulating wave upon wave and feeling less and less able to relax with them.

Fast forward 3 months and our daughter has hit what they call the 3-4 month sleep regression. She is going through a big developmental leap and as a result of her growing brain and body paired with her new awareness (plus the random reflux or gas), it’s become more of a challenge to put her to down to rest… and no guarantee that she’ll stay asleep!

Mama is tired. Sleep is precious…

Fierce Love

"Our North Star is Love.

And I don't mean like wimpy nappy pappy love. I'm talking about the
kind of Love that James Baldwin says, that Love is a Growing Up.

Love is Hard. Love Takes Risks. Yes, Love is Revolutionary.
Love is Fierce. Love Demands the Truth.
Love Listens to the Hard Things.
Love Hangs In & Sticks In When the Going Gets Tough.
Love Cries Tears but then Gets Moving & Makes a Way Out of No Way.

That's what I need white accomplices to do:
Love Me & My People Hard Enough to Work to Make an Anti-Racist Nation."

- Reverend Jacqui Lewis

This Fierce Love that Reverend Jacqui Lewis speaks of is something I teach in the Abundant Living online course when it comes to creating Fierce and Loving Boundaries. It's the type of Love that's not afraid to stop behaviors both internally and externally that are creating harm or draining energy. It's a Love that knows that speaking up and saying, "No," "Stop," or, "This isn't working," is not selfish or unkind, but rather is necessary in creating the highest outcome for everyone involved…

Self-Care, Community CareKelsey Fox Bennett BoydOctober 6, 2020Black Lives Matter, Fierce Love, events, grow, change, show up, do the work, blmComment

Expectation versus Acceptance: Pregnancy & Covid-19

About a month ago I had this entire post prepared about expectation versus acceptance - and then Covid-19 arrived to the United States and life as we knew it changed.

In my original post I talked specifically about expectation versus acceptance in my pregnancy journey.

As I moved into my second trimester I had an expectation that I would “feel better” only to be constantly hit with the reality of, “I don’t feel better,” and the following week, “Nope, not better yet!”

After a great deal of resistance I finally stopped berating myself for not meeting my expectation of wellness and fully accepted that I didn’t feel better and that was okay.

My self-acceptance was not an invitation to dwell or wallow in my awful state, but rather an invitation to stay present in my current reality and in turn, take loving actions to honor that reality and improve my state with love.

This was a big shift from what I had been doing which was running into walls of self-judgment and brute psychological force. AKA: “You will feel better because you are supposed to feel better!” Which was followed by: “What is wrong with you? Why don’t you feel better yet?”

Self-acceptance and loving action was a much kinder route as you can see.

The reason I’m giving you a shortened version of my original post is because life has changed and this lesson of expectation versus acceptance has expanded in light of our current new reality.

We live at the epicenter of the coronavirus pandemic here in NYC, which is a strange sensation to say the least…

Welcome to the Blog

HIGHLY SENSITIVE | KIDS | PARENTING

TRAUMA | Self-Care | Community Care

Birth.

“Fully let go in the pauses.”