Expectation versus Acceptance: Pregnancy & Covid-19
About a month ago I had this entire post prepared about expectation versus acceptance - and then Covid-19 arrived to the United States and life as we knew it changed.
In my original post I talked specifically about expectation versus acceptance in my pregnancy journey.
As I moved into my second trimester I had an expectation that I would “feel better” only to be constantly hit with the reality of, “I don’t feel better,” and the following week, “Nope, not better yet!”
After a great deal of resistance I finally stopped berating myself for not meeting my expectation of wellness and fully accepted that I didn’t feel better and that was okay.
My self-acceptance was not an invitation to dwell or wallow in my awful state, but rather an invitation to stay present in my current reality and in turn, take loving actions to honor that reality and improve my state with love.
This was a big shift from what I had been doing which was running into walls of self-judgment and brute psychological force. AKA: “You will feel better because you are supposed to feel better!” Which was followed by: “What is wrong with you? Why don’t you feel better yet?”
Self-acceptance and loving action was a much kinder route as you can see.
The reason I’m giving you a shortened version of my original post is because life has changed and this lesson of expectation versus acceptance has expanded in light of our current new reality.
We live at the epicenter of the coronavirus pandemic here in NYC, which is a strange sensation to say the least.
As I’m sure many of you can relate, other than groceries, laundry, and one baby doctor checkup appointment, my husband and I have been home now for over 3 weeks.
We feel extraordinarily fortunate to still have our jobs and be able to work from home with ease. We’re also currently healthy - and by we I mean all three of us, my husband, the little one growing in my belly and me.
Honestly we are incredibly privileged to have the blessings we have right now.
Simultaneously, we have experienced waves of all the feels in response to this pandemic including mourning for parts of our lives and life-plans that have been erased as options at this current moment in time. Trips to see family, baby gatherings, birth plans - cancelled, postponed, altered.
Life is different.
As we stand in this new space I have been continually thinking back to the lesson I learned mere weeks earlier in my pregnancy.
I believe the more that we accept this new reality the easier it’s going to be to move through this experience with love, grace and ease.
Now, don’t get me wrong, acceptance isn’t necessarily easy in and of itself. It may come with great loss and grief, it may come with facing old or new traumas, and it may come with a continued state of unknown and lack of control.
However, through acceptance we can find healing.
Through acceptance we can take loving action.
Through acceptance we can recreate ourselves and our lives anew.
If we avoid acceptance and instead lean into expectation that things will go back to the way they were before or this will end on such and such date, then if/when our expectations don’t line up with our reality we’ll be faced with additional layers of anger, frustration, resentment and suffering.
The moment I fully accepted that I was still feeling awful at 16 weeks pregnant, I felt as though a weight had lifted. The pressure I was putting on myself to feel a certain way by a certain time had been suffocating - and likely only adding to my overall feeling of awful.
Additionally, when I accepted my state of awful it was so much easier to take loving action! I spoke to my clients and lightened my workload so that I could rest and recover, I asked for and accepted help from my husband and coworkers, and I took the time to invest in myself through an online hypnobirthing course and prenatal yoga.
The results: Ease, grace, support, love, space… and sure enough, 2 weeks later I did feel better.
Essentially, my loves, I encourage you to accept where you are.
Accept the strange newness and unknown aspects of this wild time.
Accept the challenges that are arising.
Accept that life is different and may never look the same.
And in turn, remember that acceptance is merely an invitation to stay present to your current reality and take loving action. AKA: What can you do to love yourself right here, right now? Not when this is over and not focused on a reality that no longer exists, but here and now, in this space, in this struggle and strangeness.
For each of us it will look different.
I felt called to reach out to my support systems and dive deeper into my own healing. I also felt called to press pause at various moments in my days and weeks, create boundaries and additional levels of self-care. At some point I envision waves of creation out of this space, but I’m not quite there yet. For now I’m flowing with the feels, offering love in the ways that I’m able and slowing way down to stay in alignment.
What does your acceptance and loving action look like? Share with me in the comments or send me an email.
If you’re finding the need for extra love and support - and perhaps have a wall of resistance between you and acceptance - know that you are not alone. I offer long distance sessions and I know many others who are offering long distance love, too. Click here if you want to schedule a free no-obligation chat. We can see if we’re a match for sessions at this time or I can offer resources to other services and support. OR we can literally spend the 20 minutes filling you up with love. It’s a wild time and we’re all in it together.
So much love,
Kelsey