Reminders During Challenge

The past month has been a series of sicknesses and canceled plans in our house and there were times when it felt really challenging.

The full abbreviated story: My daughter got a really bad head cold that interrupted all of our sleep, then her head cold turned into an ear infection (very triggering for me because of my early childhood illness and corresponding awful earaches) and had to go on antibiotics, then my husband got sick, then my daughter got sick with Coxackievirus, then I got my period, then I got sick, then I got a call from school that my daughter tripped and bonked her tooth/gum so we took an emergency visit to the dentist for x-rays. (She’s totally okay!) In the middle of that we postponed lots of joyful plans, skipped a lot of school, and in many ways life essentially got put on hold.

In the midst of In the midst of sickness and parenting exhaustion I had all the feels:

Terror, worry, joy, bliss, acceptance, resistance, panic, frustration, disappointment and acceptance again.

Whenever we go through extended periods of challenge it’s easy to start to wonder, Will it ever end?

The following reminders have been incredibly helpful for me, and perhaps they’ll help you, too…

My Heart Breaks Daily

How can you look at the atrocities of the world and deny them?

How can you look at the heartache and turn your back?

Actually, I know how, because I did it, too.

That Oh So Uncomfortable Parenting Moment: What to do when your kid refuses to participate

I have been a teacher for over a decade. I’ve taught Mommy and Me classes and also had parents visit their toddlers and preschoolers while in class with me.

I remember parents on countless occasions feeling concerned that their child wasn’t participating and I remember loving these parents and letting them know that however their child showed up was completely okay with me.

In most cases I’d see the kids more than once and develop awesome and lasting relationships with them. And even if I didn’t, their child was wherever they needed to be on that day, in that moment, feeling an array of emotions while being exposed to something and someone brand new. My goal was to keep the door open, let them know they were safe and invite them to join. From there, it was up to them. It might take 5 minutes or it might take 5 classes before they felt comfortable to participate.

A few weeks ago was the first time I was the parent of a child who chose not to participate.

And even though I knew from a teaching perspective it was totally okay, I, the parent, was NOT okay.

I always had compassion for parents in these moments, but I had no idea how excruciating it could feel until I was standing in their place.

Here’s what happened…

Let Fear be your Guide & Let Go of the “Plan” - My Giving Birth Story

Birth.

We are all born. Yet when I became pregnant I realized I had never attended anyone’s birth. I’d never witnessed it other than what I’d see on television and in movies. Even though it’s the most natural and normal occurrence and we all experience it as we enter the world, it was actually quite mysterious and distant from anything I knew. I’m an excellent student, though, so I set about to learn and acclimate myself - mostly in an attempt to normalize and de-mystify it. I watched videos of people giving birth, I looked at photos, I started following all sorts of doulas and birth centers on social media, I enrolled in an online hypnobirthing class, I set out to hire my own doula (and did - she’s great!) and then I absorbed everything that came my way through all these channels.

I became more and more confident in my ability to birth my baby. Yet, in addition to learning all sorts of pain management and mindfulness techniques to birth naturally, I also learned about all the ways to medically induce birth or intervene if something goes other than expected. As my husband likes to say, have the plan and then have a few backup plans just in case. Because this is the other thing about pregnancy and giving birth: It’s unpredictable…

Fully Let Go In The Pauses

“Fully let go in the pauses.”

These words from Jessica Diz have been repeating in my head.

Jessica was my Doula and she was referring to the pauses between surges/contractions during labor, but her words have been a salve the past few weeks.

I remember as my labor with Abigail kicked into gear I felt my whole body tighten in anticipation for each coming surge. We called Jessica and she reminded me to fully let go in the pauses. Oh my goodness what a difference it made!

By fully letting go in between each wave, I could regroup and relax, making the next wave feel lighter and easier to ride versus accumulating wave upon wave and feeling less and less able to relax with them.

Fast forward 3 months and our daughter has hit what they call the 3-4 month sleep regression. She is going through a big developmental leap and as a result of her growing brain and body paired with her new awareness (plus the random reflux or gas), it’s become more of a challenge to put her to down to rest… and no guarantee that she’ll stay asleep!

Mama is tired. Sleep is precious…

Fierce Love

"Our North Star is Love.

And I don't mean like wimpy nappy pappy love. I'm talking about the
kind of Love that James Baldwin says, that Love is a Growing Up.

Love is Hard. Love Takes Risks. Yes, Love is Revolutionary.
Love is Fierce. Love Demands the Truth.
Love Listens to the Hard Things.
Love Hangs In & Sticks In When the Going Gets Tough.
Love Cries Tears but then Gets Moving & Makes a Way Out of No Way.

That's what I need white accomplices to do:
Love Me & My People Hard Enough to Work to Make an Anti-Racist Nation."

- Reverend Jacqui Lewis

This Fierce Love that Reverend Jacqui Lewis speaks of is something I teach in the Abundant Living online course when it comes to creating Fierce and Loving Boundaries. It's the type of Love that's not afraid to stop behaviors both internally and externally that are creating harm or draining energy. It's a Love that knows that speaking up and saying, "No," "Stop," or, "This isn't working," is not selfish or unkind, but rather is necessary in creating the highest outcome for everyone involved…

Self-Care, Community CareKelsey Fox Bennett BoydOctober 6, 2020Black Lives Matter, Fierce Love, events, grow, change, show up, do the work, blmComment

Expectation versus Acceptance: Pregnancy & Covid-19

About a month ago I had this entire post prepared about expectation versus acceptance - and then Covid-19 arrived to the United States and life as we knew it changed.

In my original post I talked specifically about expectation versus acceptance in my pregnancy journey.

As I moved into my second trimester I had an expectation that I would “feel better” only to be constantly hit with the reality of, “I don’t feel better,” and the following week, “Nope, not better yet!”

After a great deal of resistance I finally stopped berating myself for not meeting my expectation of wellness and fully accepted that I didn’t feel better and that was okay.

My self-acceptance was not an invitation to dwell or wallow in my awful state, but rather an invitation to stay present in my current reality and in turn, take loving actions to honor that reality and improve my state with love.

This was a big shift from what I had been doing which was running into walls of self-judgment and brute psychological force. AKA: “You will feel better because you are supposed to feel better!” Which was followed by: “What is wrong with you? Why don’t you feel better yet?”

Self-acceptance and loving action was a much kinder route as you can see.

The reason I’m giving you a shortened version of my original post is because life has changed and this lesson of expectation versus acceptance has expanded in light of our current new reality.

We live at the epicenter of the coronavirus pandemic here in NYC, which is a strange sensation to say the least…

EXPANSION & How We Keep Ourselves Small

Over the past year and a half - amidst our 3 weddings (Yes, 3 of them to the same amazing man!) and becoming pregnant (SQUEAL!) - I danced with the decision of whether or not to officially change my business name to my new full name post-marriage: Kelsey Fox Bennett Boyd.

When I got married I was SO excited to have four names. Four is my favorite number and I love the way my full name sounds so I legally made Fox and Bennett my two middle names and Boyd my last name. I was expanding into my new life (My body is now literally expanding with our baby, too!) and my name felt like a representation of that expansion.

I did some research before making any changes to my business name and learned that there are some folks who love having their business name be separate from their personal name. Others do not make changes because it can get complicated. And finally, many talk about making it easy on your followers - i.e. you could potentially confuse them with a name change.

All these sounded reasonable, but did they ring true for me? I wasn’t sure yet…

5 Signs You Are A Highly Sensitive Person

Are you a deep thinker? Is it hard for you to be in large groups or over-stimulating environments? If so, you might be a Highly Sensitive Person - and that’s not a bad thing!

Welcome to the Blog

HIGHLY SENSITIVE | KIDS | PARENTING

TRAUMA | Self-Care | Community Care

Here’s what happened…

Birth.

“Fully let go in the pauses.”